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16 Candles.

Every year I feel like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles… My family remembers though. But my friends hardly say anything, I don’t see them, I feel like o have to beg people to be my friend.
I worked today and even the boy I fucked, one of my “best friends” at work and the boy I’m like in love with (not really it’s Allen machuca) didn’t say one word to me. I even fed Allen Mars bars and was the first person to say happy birthday to him.

I feel like birthdays have so much pressure to be fun and full of friends and getting reckless and going out and getting laid and getting free drinks and falling in love with life and with friends and with the world - it feels like a built up occasion that everyone else lives up to.

I feel like every year I fall short.

I feel alone on the day I was born, I can’t imagine how alone I’ll feel on the day I die.

One of the BEST LIVE PREFORMERs I’ve ever seen.


Anonymous asked:

Separation of the church and state means that churches don't have the ultimate power the once had. That power now belongs to the three branches of government. That being said, religious opinions and views of the people of the congress are just opinions and views. The church ultimately has no power over the check and balances of the government.

I honestly feel like you just taught me more in that one message than I learnt in 12 years of social studies.
Thank you.

Why does everyone say “I don’t want to be mean?” Because that’s usually what changes the way I read what they wrote. Because I didn’t think Jordan or ash were being mean until I read that sentence. And it haunts me. And it bothers me. And I feel like a shitty person. And I think I love ash. I have loved her for over a year and that’s why it’s so weird with her. I don’t want to date her or whatever. But it’s like not a best friend love and not the love you have for a partner but somewhere between that. I feel like she loves me the way that I I loved Matthew, my ex. Wholeheartedly, stupidly, madly, intensely, too much, and in a way that couldn’t never be reciprocated.
It feels like I’ve just been punched in the stomach.
And it’s fucked because I feel like when I’m with her, I’m a baby. I’m her baby. Like she wants to take care of me, and teach me, and love me, and grow with me. And I feel like she knows all of me and is proud of me and accepts me. And I fucked up so bad. Because she really loves me. And I just couldn’t love her. Not how she needed. And never in the way that she loved me. And I never wanted to be anyone’s Matthew.
And it’s more fucked because whenever she tells me she can’t be around me, I want to just curl up in a ball in her arms and beg her to stay and tell her I love her but I can’t. Because Matthew has done that to me and he has never meant it in the way that he should have. And I know I want be able to in the way that she would need me to mean in. And I can’t do that to her. I can’t force her to stay when I can’t give her what she needs or continue to hurt her because I’m scared of losing that love.

So instead of begging her to be in my life, I told her I’m sorry, I forgive you, I never meant to make you feel that way and those were not my intentions and I accept and understand her decision.

I guess I’m growing up.
But it feels pretty shitty.

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