Anonymous asked:You are such a gorgeous and sweet girl, don't let what your sister and mom do bring you down. Sometimes the people who have the best lives have to go through trials and work for it. But I believe you're a fighter and you can do it. <3
Awe thank you so much. You don’t know how much that means to me < 3. I’m trying hard to fight. Thank you for believing in me and being there for me anon. : )
Going through my blog and seeing this, means a lot to me. Thank you again anon. Its still relatable. The kindness of strangers
It’s funny because last year on August 18th, I was in the hospital because I wanted to die on August 19th, my 18th birthday.
And this year on August 18th I was walking home, super excited to be alive and celebrate my golden birthday on August 19th.
(That’s not the funny part)
It’s funny because this year, I got hit by a very large truck, a truck who’s bumper was taller than my body, and I ended up back in the hospital.
I just think it’s ironic.
It’s also funny because I’m dying (they found internal bleeding and there’s damage to my left leg so I can’t walk), and not a single one of my actual friends has asked me how I am since the accident.
That part is funny because last year when I tried to kill myself, no one asked about it either.
It’s just an ironic month August is for me.
Hi... You don't know me and I don't know you. but I saw you post about that you might finally kill yourself this year. Well believe me I know about that and I have many cuts in my arm too. But please don't. I keep living with the dream that it will be better. I know it is a foolish dream. But if you ever need help I am here. I promise you. It doesn't matter what your problem is. Because I do care. Sorry to have bothered you :D
You didn’t bother me one bit. I truly and honestly appreciate it. And if you’re willing to take time out if your day to try to comfort someone, I honestly believe it will get better for you because you are a wonderful person. I hope your cuts heal and you no longer have to make anymore. Talking to others helps. Especially a professional. As scary as that is. I have faith that you’ll be okay and things will turn around.
So now that she’s back, am I supposed to ask her about that kiss?
Turns out I have borderline personality disorder.
I get upset about my relationships being shit.
But it turns out that I’m the problem….
So I go to work, and turns out he’s just started working there. I get mad but don’t say anything and I’m hoping its not him but it is. And he’s all excited and comes up to me. I say why didn’t you tell me you work here now? He said for when I need him and how he’s been the only one that’s ever been there for me. I said how I needed him in grade 12, I really did, but I don’t need him now. And he got really upset and walked away and I said I didn’t mean it like that. But I realized that its true. I don’t need him anymore. And when I was walking to his house earlier this week, I thought “it’s me and Matt. It’s always been me and him. It always will be.” But it’s not. It’s over. I don’t feel the same. And he made me realize I don’t feel empty anymore. So I guess the dream makes sense. Especially since afterwards I was having doubts. But now, I’m one hundred percent sure.
I was on such a high and now I’m on such a low. Idek why. This last week I just have no motivation or control over my emotions. I broke down and cried at an after work screening. It was supposed to be fun. But I left before the movie even started.. I went to a psychic that made me feel good about myself and my choices. I bought an awesome old school projector. I made real friends. But I still feel empty and alone. And like I have no real talents and won’t amount to much. But even though that’s how I feel and even though I cried, I don’t feel anything as strongly as I used to. So I don’t think I’m depressed? Maybe the pills are stopping the depression. Maybe this is what it feels like to just be sad? I don’t like it. I’m not used to it. I don’t understand it :/.